Missing Pieces

I feel as though I can't take this crazy life anymore. No I'm not suicidal...just overwhelmed. I really don't know what to do. Last night I just sat in my room sick to my stomach because I just don't know what to do anymore. There is too much; the world ts too big, and I'm too small. I just need someone to come and tell me it's alright, to tell me that everything will work out if I just keep at it. I guess tho oly thing that's really bothering me is that I am doing all this stuff and yet I have nothing to show for it. I study and go to class, but there is nothing there. I join all these clubs yet I feel uninvolved. I completely let myself fall for unattainable things. I just need something in my life right now. What, you may ask? I have no idea!? I just know that it is a necessary aspect of my life that I don't have...

Doubts...

I have so many doubts in my life. I doubt myself, the people I love; the list goes on and on. I am never sure of anything in my life, and I hate that about myself. Being indecisive has lost me many things.

One major issue I am having trouble with in my life is what I am going to be. I have the major set, the idea down, and everything geared towards one way of life. I just don't know for sure though if I can make it. This particular career/lifestyle choice is more than just a little decision. It is committment, and I am hardly ever able to commit to anything. I just don't know how to deal with this. I am going to school to be a doctor. I tell people this all the time. It sounds wonderful...but is it really what I want?

How can someone who is so young, someone who has hardly seen any of the world around her, someone who is so unsure of every step she takes....know what she wants to do with the rest of her life? How? I just can't decide that. I'm scared to work all my life to attain something I don't really want or enjoy. I just don't know...

My other issue is the one and only...guys! Surprise, surprise. I am always one to have problems with guys. In the past it has been a simple problem: I couldn't like the same guy for more than a month. Now my problem has evolved a little more. I have fallen for many guys more recently...but now I begin to like them without knowing them, I talk to guys that I have never met (online), I do things I completely regret later. I feel like I don't care what people will think of me...I just do whatever I want at that moment.

I really need to get my life together; I realize this. Sometimes it is a solution easier said than done.

Music

I just wanted to dedicate a post strictly to music that I love. Not ground-breaking content, I am well aware; I just felt the need to let everyone know that these bands--both signed and unsigned--are amazing! So here is a list of some (know that this is not all the bands) of the amazing musicians and bands I have grown to love!

H.I.M., Black Tide, Black Light Burns, Seven Days of Night, The Many, The Panix, Chevelle, Marilyn Manson, Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, The Ramones, Children of Bodom, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Staind, Atomship, Poisonblack, Alice In Chains, Alice Cooper, Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde, The 69 Eyes, In Flames, Pearl Jam, The Doors, Nonpoint, Default, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Goo Goo Dolls, Slipknot, Korn, David Bowie, 13th Circle, Eve 6, Bob Marley, Sublime, Harvey Danger, Weezer, Black Flag, Dead Kennedies, Violent Femmes, Katy Perry, Ludacris, Nick Black, Detoura, Sixx A.M., CKY, Spitalfield, Green Day, Rob Zombie, Viking Skull, Undercover Slut, Waiting For Decay, Paramore, Cage 9, The Veronicas, G.U. Medicine, Missing Tomorrow, Seether, Shinedown, Say Anything, 18 Visions, The Toadies, Mad Season, NIN, The Rasmus, Danger Radio, Rise Against, Underoath, Silverchair, Norma Jean, Viking Skull, Kill Hannah, Pantera, Slayer, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Johnny Cash, Cannibal Corpse, Yearling, Atreyu, Coheed and Cambria, Motley Crue, Aiden, Misfits, Queens of the Stone Age, Godsmack, Coal Chamber, Powerman 5000, Linkin Park, 30 Seconds to Mars, Ra, Lamb of God, Lacuna Coil, From First to Last, Taking Back Sunday, Arsonists Get All the Girls, Pink Floyd, Serj Tankian, Thursday, Rage Against the Machine, Sex Pistols, Live, Tool, Tiger Army, Greeley Estates, Flogging Molly, Iron Maiden, Killswitch Engage, 36 Crazyfists, Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed, Bullet for My Valentine, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Faith No More, Flyleaf, Mudvayne, Horrorpops, Jimmy Eat World, Daniel Lioneye, Papa Roach, A Perfect Circle, and a whole slew of others!

These are just some of my favorite musicians! Showing love to all my favorites!

A New Beginning

For those of you who don't know me...that's okay. You will get to know me through my writing for sure. Just like this blog is completely new, I feel as though I am completely new. I have gotten to start over in my life. No judgements, no existing thoughts, and no labels. I am just another girl in the crowd trying to make it. People don't look at me and think they know me simply because they don't. No one thinks about all of the mistakes I've made because they have no idea what I've done or where I've been. I am just another number here until I decide how I want to be viewed. My life has completely taken a turn in the past year. I can pinpoint the actual moment that I decided to change. Someone told me to live for the moment. I have been doing just that. Understand, however, that living for the moment does not give you the permission to hurt those around you. You can do everything you ever wanted, but you still need to think about the consequences of your actions. Live your life today as if it were your last. LIVE FREELY!